"Bowel Prepping" is about as fun as it sounds. From what I understand though current 2021 methods of the bowel prep process is much nicer than its antiquated predecessor , however the entire process in itself really lacks any enjoyment. My first error was "thinking" I had enough Miralax from a past bottle that I purchased a couple years prior. Oh no.. you need the large bottle and the entire bottle to boot. Let's just summarize the process with I will never drink Cool Frost Gatorade again. Ever.
The actual procedures was a breeze. My anthestician had the most amazing beautiful chocolate skin I have ever seen. I was really nervous about being put under for the first time in decades and her voice and demeanor were soothing. I have no idea what she said to me as my mind was in a haze. The doctor came in briefly to discuss my symptoms and what has occurred to me the past two weeks. What happened next in our conversation has stuck with me. He said " I have seen your CT scans and we really need to do an endoscopy, I understand the next steps is a MRI, but we will need to think about the next steps after that". What this said to me is that all hopes for my CT scan to be a black smudge has been squashed. The Dr. seen something where he believes we need to proceed with further investigation. Fast forward when I got home and went to my ever so trusty google, an endoscopy is another word for a version of surgery that includes a biopsy. I now have gone from going to bed at night praying that there was a new CT tech or there was a shadow on the scan to thinking of biopsies of this mass that has been found.
Back to the colonoscopy. It was a breeze, I fell asleep and then I woke up. The nurses were playing Corey Hart I wear my sunglasses at night.. All went well. I do have a tortured colon. My initial reaction (while still coming out of anthesia ) is , I didn't think I was medieval on my colon, or what could I have done to torture it, however again with google, it just means it is a bit twisted. No harm , no foul, just something to recognize. The doctor did take a biopsy of an inflamed area, however prior to the start of todays blog the report came back and I am happy to say I am all clear in the colon area.
Today I left work on time and Lily and I went walking on a short nature trail that is located right next to my backyard. I can't stress how close this trail is to the gate in my backyard. WE walked this trail and saw some of the cutest purple and white flowers . We also saw a fort that the 5th graders from the local school built on a field trip . I remember Tyson telling me about this fort. I have lived in this house for 20 years and I have never walked this trail. Why when presented with Mortality do we walk a path that is right in front of our eyes that we never traveled down, especially when it brings you joy. Next,we hopped on the swings outside of this path to see who can swing the highest. She did of course. I then pulled an oak leaf from the massive tree and told her how to identify an Oak Tree by it's leaves. Lastly, she told me she loved me.
These past few days have been the hardest days of my entire life. I find myself skirting the lines of depression but mostly have been very introspective. I am pushing people away without intention but only because I have nothing to give. I am battling this alone with only Jason , my sister and a couple close friends knowing what is going on as I do not want anyone to have the feelings I am currently having at this time. I would not want one single person I love faced with the thoughts of spending a limited amout of time with me in the near future.
Unfortunately, I do not think the MRI scheduled 8 days from now is the end of my journey. I hope that I soon understand how to navigate these feelings I am having and turn them into positive productive energy, but at this time I am just barely breathing.
It's good to know though my tortured colon is not so tortured. Test #1 down.
